i'm in this weird state of being half sexually repressed and half not

i like reading porn, i like schlicking, i like having conversations with ppl about sex and listening to them talk about it, i think it's interesting, etc

but when it comes to actually having sex i can't imagine myself having it ~before marriage~ or w/e. i just can't get out of that mindset. and even then i'm grossed out by the thought of myself having sex, idk.