in the hospital there were a few personal items i wasn't allowed to have w/out supervision bc of si concerns so i tried to give them back to the nurse on duty. she told me to put on my big girl panties and that she wouldn't store them for me (despite it being their rules) and when i tried to convince her she told me to go away because i wasn't capable of having an adult conversation.

when i told doctors in emerge about it (which was a slow and arduous task bc i disassociate rly badly) they blew me off completely. not gonna talk in detail about it bc it's not healthy, but when i finally talked to my psychiatrist about it more recently she basically said it's by the grace of god you aren't dead from si.

so i'm a little pissed that p much everyone told me it was nbd.

my mum has a vague idea although i think the bigger shock was being driven downtown in handcuffs but the one time she mentioned it was to say she burned herself with a cigarette a few times when she was young and i rly didn't want to talk about it.