hms_anon | April 24

Current Music: I'll Never Fall In Love Again - Tom Jones

April 24

Hey nonas!

If you were an evil sexy villain, how would you take over the world?

Need anything deleted?

i am so sick of my mother - she has severe boundary issues, whenever i tell her anything about my life, she always says 'you're just like me', 'you get that from me' - she thinks that we're the same person because we both have depression and behaves like this whenever we're having conversations and when i attempt to set boundaries and say that i'm tired of constantly being compared or reduced to other people, that for once i would like to be able to have an opinion or thought that isn't 'just like her', she freaks out and says 'i can't say anything to you! i'm always wrong! i'm a terrible mother! i'm the worst!'

she also doesn't know me at all which makes it even more frustrating because i'm NOT like her - i've been out of the house for 10 years and if i don't call her back for 3 days, she assumes i'm depressed and in a ditch somewhere instead of thinking a) i'm busy, b) i don't walk to talk to her, c) i forgot my phone or to charge it or whatever, she likes to tell me 'well you'd do this in x situation' like her view of things is 100% correct and i'm just going along for the ride

you sound just like your mother hth

(deleted comment)

see the violence inherent in this comment

you misspelled "the system"

lol, i got them to delete it

i don't have anything helpful to say and i'm not trying to be a jerk when i say this

but she sounds just like my mother

lol no worries

i'm in therapy which is helping ME recognize that she's unhealthy towards me but it's not helping me to get her to recognize that unfortunately

ah i'm sorry you have to deal with that, biba. my mom had some boundary issues too but yours sound way more severe.

is your mother in therapy? are you? idk at some point if a person doesn't respect my boundaries, i reevaluate my relationship with them - like not cutting them off completely, but how much time i spend with them, the things i share with them, etc. but doing that with your mom may not be an option and is much harder obviously.

i'm in therapy - which is why i'm figuring this stuff out and if i had been in therapy earlier, it wouldn't have gone on for so long - i definitely didn't understand that i was indulging her boundary issues until i got into therapy, that's for sure

i can't cut my mother off, but she's so damaging - whenever i visit, i get into a deep depression after i leave, she undermines me at every turn, i have a successful job, i have friends, and i'm doing really well and she just sees me like she was at my age - depressed and damaged, and assumes that my trajectory is just like hers in life.

yeah it sounds like black-and-white thinking & other stuff i learned in therapy myself

i'm just spitballing here... but there isn't really a way to force other people's thinking to change, aside from communication which your mom obviously isn't really listening to. so maybe try thinking of her negative words as passing you by like a tickertape or a river? (another idea i got from therapy tbh)

because now you are realizing that what she's thinking about you isn't correct, and since you don't have the power to stop her from thinking it and expressing it, you have to use the power you do have which is to try and change your reaction to it?

also with my mom i just had to put certain topics (exhibit a: my weight) "off limits" and be firm about shutting down conversations about it.

i am sorry but i have to run, i do hope this at least gives you something to think about. good luck

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April 24

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