can someone tell me if im being an asshole bc i honestly can't tell
for the longest time i've had this relative who has chronic pain and is seriously ill (like needs to be hospitalized/on medication ill) incredibly often, and their illness progressed very fast. they have a habit of calling me up and telling me about new symptoms that happen and complaining about being sick, and i always tell them to go to the doctor, or look up information for them online as to what it could be. sometimes the symptoms are really, really alarming (like not being able to breath, or hitting their head and being disoriented, or things like that) and they never go to the doctor. they'll complain about how bad things are (i dont blame them) but as soon as i bring up how serious it is or act concerned they suddenly flip and try to downplay it like "oh i'll go to the doctor if it gets worse" and never go, or even act frustrated and offended that i suggest it.
it kind of came to a head today after an argument where i ended up admitting that its frustrating to me that they never go to a doctor because it worries me since i care about them and if they were to get REALLY sick i would feel like it was my fault that they told me about symptoms and i didn't do anything even tho i know there's nothing i could do. they accused me of being disrespectful and unsympathetic.
am i being an asshole in basically feeling like taking on all their problems in addition to my own is enabling and draining? i feel like they vent to me and feel fine but then i stress about it for days worrying that they're going to drop dead at any moment (esp with things like not being able to breath or vomiting blood) but maybe i dont understand how hard it is having those problems and dealing with doctors and not getting answers.
im not sure if i should apologize, or if so how. i want to try and salvage our relationship but i feel like i really blew it by admitting how i feel.
tw mi
for the longest time i've had this relative who has chronic pain and is seriously ill (like needs to be hospitalized/on medication ill) incredibly often, and their illness progressed very fast. they have a habit of calling me up and telling me about new symptoms that happen and complaining about being sick, and i always tell them to go to the doctor, or look up information for them online as to what it could be. sometimes the symptoms are really, really alarming (like not being able to breath, or hitting their head and being disoriented, or things like that) and they never go to the doctor. they'll complain about how bad things are (i dont blame them) but as soon as i bring up how serious it is or act concerned they suddenly flip and try to downplay it like "oh i'll go to the doctor if it gets worse" and never go, or even act frustrated and offended that i suggest it.
it kind of came to a head today after an argument where i ended up admitting that its frustrating to me that they never go to a doctor because it worries me since i care about them and if they were to get REALLY sick i would feel like it was my fault that they told me about symptoms and i didn't do anything even tho i know there's nothing i could do. they accused me of being disrespectful and unsympathetic.
am i being an asshole in basically feeling like taking on all their problems in addition to my own is enabling and draining? i feel like they vent to me and feel fine but then i stress about it for days worrying that they're going to drop dead at any moment (esp with things like not being able to breath or vomiting blood) but maybe i dont understand how hard it is having those problems and dealing with doctors and not getting answers.
im not sure if i should apologize, or if so how. i want to try and salvage our relationship but i feel like i really blew it by admitting how i feel.