April 24

[mommysquad]

Hey nonas!



If you were an evil sexy villain, how would you take over the world?

Need anything deleted?

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

ugh i want to get this off my chest bc i can never, ever tell anyone about this irl.

so i'm the nona who dated a guy for 5 months and didn't so much as hold hands. no hugging, nothing.

i'm also the nona who went to his house, got drunk, and hooked up. but you guys, it was so embarrassing. i had like, half a bottle of bacardi and so did he. i ended up puking like 3 times. all over the place. then he went down on me but i was on my period. so my bloody pad was just chilling on his floor.

i am so fucking embarrassed. i feel like this is the most fucking inauspicious start. i almost want to stop seeing him so that i can forget about the whole tawdry affair :(

[(Anonymous)]

this is also why i thought it was a bad sign that he said he'd be late. bc he probably woke up and was like "what the hell is up with that chick"

[(Anonymous)]

on my second date with my husband i clogged his toilet and i had never used a plunger before and i spent 30 minutes fucking with it and finally i came out crying and he plunged it for me.

have faith biba

also bloody oral is not embarrassing at all!

[(Anonymous)]

ty nona. sometimes i feel like my whole life is one long string of terribly embarrassing moments. this is just another one, i guess. i'll live.

[(Anonymous)]

i hit my gag reflex while drunk and puked on my bf's dick

we're still together six years later

[(Anonymous)]

oh shit

ty biba, this makes me feel better

[morphy]

dude you guys were both trashed, and if he continued after he saw you had a pad on he probably didn't even care

[(Anonymous)]

basically

it's not like u forced it on him, nona

[(Anonymous)]

that's true

ty morphine

[(Anonymous)]

I literally shit the bed when my husband was staying over before he was my husband.

[(Anonymous)]

:O

[(Anonymous)]

ok so i need to know

how does this happen

[(Anonymous)]

I was very very sick. I sat up to puke in the trash can because I wasn't sure if I could make it to the bathroom, and the force of my puking caused liquid shit to erupt from my backside. it took me a moment to register what was happening, and by the time I did it was too late.

[(Anonymous)]

tbh it's kind of weird that you guys didn't do anything together for five months and then he slept with you when you were drunk

he sounds kind of creepy tbh

[(Anonymous)]

we were both awkward and inexperienced

and he drank just as much as i did. and even when we did hook up, he kept asking if it was ok, and saying that we should probably wait

i get where you're coming from but i didn't see it as creepy. just embarrassing

[(Anonymous)]

my first date with my husband was@ a party where i hogged an entire bottle of goldschlager and refused to share it, then laid on the floor sobbing because nobody would make out with me (prob because i threw up in my own hair). afterward he put me in another room to sleep it off and...i came back out into the living room and bit him. we've been married five years now and we couldnt be happier. so have hope, nona.

[(Anonymous)]

omg nona. i am so glad to be reading these stories. i feel so much better now. i'm not alone!

[(Anonymous)]

my gf pissed herself in her sleep the first time she stayed at my place b/c she was so trashed (i mean i was trashed too ofc)

i'm still with her. it's no biggie, drunkenness is ugly

[(Anonymous)]

OMG

you guys i am so much happier now c:

[(Anonymous)]

I spent a year doing nothing with my gf telling her I was grey ace and just had such a complex sexuality omg it's so difficult to be me all while we were writing filthy rp for our shared fandom

then I realized helllll no and had to awk as fuckly tell her that I actually wanted her sexysexual romance.

then the first time we did it I got a nosebleed half way through

we've been together five years