ok nona this advice might sound mean but first break up is tough love time
it doesn't matter why he wanted to break up with you, it's just over and that's how it is. so stop thinking about why and work with how things are now - which is that you aren't together and are not going to be. he is not the only person who will ever want to be in a relationship with you. he is not the best one. he's just the first one and in five years you're not gonna give a fuck.
stop lurking his facebook. stop wondering why. don't try to be friends for at least a month. and think before everything break up related that you do "am i gonna look back on this and be proud of how i dealt?" because believe me, in 6 months that'll be more important to you than he is.
however great he is, he is not worth you ending your life over. seriously, he's not the one, he's not right for you, and why would you want someone to stay with you if he didn't really love you? you're worth way more than that and you have a lot of potential future happiness in your life so don't give that up over one guy, one relationship, your first relationship. one day you're not gonna care, you're gonna be with someone awesome and you're gonna be happy and completely over this guy. it's so, so hard to see right now, i know, but make yourself believe it because it is completely true.
i would recommend calling your friends and/or family and talking to them, even if you don't feel like you're close enough to do that. people will come through for you and i'm sure people care about you more than you think they do, just reach out.
Re: tw suicide
it doesn't matter why he wanted to break up with you, it's just over and that's how it is. so stop thinking about why and work with how things are now - which is that you aren't together and are not going to be. he is not the only person who will ever want to be in a relationship with you. he is not the best one. he's just the first one and in five years you're not gonna give a fuck.
stop lurking his facebook. stop wondering why. don't try to be friends for at least a month. and think before everything break up related that you do "am i gonna look back on this and be proud of how i dealt?" because believe me, in 6 months that'll be more important to you than he is.
however great he is, he is not worth you ending your life over. seriously, he's not the one, he's not right for you, and why would you want someone to stay with you if he didn't really love you? you're worth way more than that and you have a lot of potential future happiness in your life so don't give that up over one guy, one relationship, your first relationship. one day you're not gonna care, you're gonna be with someone awesome and you're gonna be happy and completely over this guy. it's so, so hard to see right now, i know, but make yourself believe it because it is completely true.
i would recommend calling your friends and/or family and talking to them, even if you don't feel like you're close enough to do that. people will come through for you and i'm sure people care about you more than you think they do, just reach out.
you're really, really going to be fine.