super conflicted about my relationship at the moment

my partner has been so giving and helped me way more than anyone else ever has

but i am noticing a somewhat disturbing trend

i guess i used to always blame myself for our fights but since i started therapy, i have become frustrated to learn that even when i stay calm and reasonable there seems to be no way to end this cycle

1. a very small argument or misunderstanding will begin. sometimes its my fault, sometimes it is his. i try to calmly and politely resolve it
2. somehow he continues to take offense and either turns loud and insulting (if i am assertive) or cold and mocking (if i get emotional/cry).at this point it has become very hard to talk him down
3. he wants me to either apologize or shut up and leave him alone if i try to work things out
4. if i ask for an apology after hes cooled down we return to step number 2 and he claims he s always the one apologizing
5. eventually either i drop it, or if he offers a surly and insincere apology to shut me up and i question it it restarts step 2 so eventually i will drop it either way
6. eventually he turns nice and cheerful and into a really fun person, and i start feeling warmer toward him again. however what bugs me is he never apologize s once he turns nice. occasionally he will if i bring it up when hes being friendly and that makes me feel better. but a lot of times it will just restart step 2 so i am usually too nervous to try and i just try to let stuff go

idk nonas i love him so much but i am so exhausted